Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Dreaming out the Window

Author's Note: I was watching the Celebrate Youth party from out of my window at work, and I thought about what would happen if it was a young child who couldn't participate. I didn't mean for it to get so depressing, but ideas will do what they will do. Please comment, and if it's too depressing tell me!

She watched the park from her third story window. She could barely see it between two buildings further down the alley, but she watched what she could. She saw a ballon-man giving all the children free balloons, saw them running away in glee, and wished she had a balloon. One of the children taking a balloon threw away a dripping popcicle so he could cling to the string with both hands. She licked her cracked lips and wished she had a popcicle. She saw an infant being carried in its mother's arms, and she wished she had a mother. She saw a girl with a pink bow in her hair on her father's shoulders, and the girl in the third story room wished she was that girl. She was watching so intently that she didn't hear the ominous footsteps coming up behind her, and she was still so dazed that when she heard screaming aimed at her she couldn't understand the words. Only when she was yanked around by her arm and hit with a belt did she hear the words, "Dreaming won't do you any good!" As she was pulled from the room she looked one last time out the window. She saw that a little boy's balloon had flown away, and the balloon-man was giving him another one, and she knew that wasn't true for everyone, so it didn't have to be true for her. But with another slap of the belt and a pull from the room, she was less convinced.

5 comments:

  1. You know, for a cheerful person you can be pretty depressing. I liked it!

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  2. It has a "Sabrina" feel, if you've ever watched that movie. A few rough parts, but that could be easily fixed. It's cute.

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  3. You could do with a little more imagery.

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  4. I think in some places you could use less "emotion" words and more "visual" words. Like, don't say the footsteps were ominous because the reader doesn't know what ominous sounds like. Say they sounded hollow or heavy or some other scary but familiar word. Just a tip for all of you. It really is a great peice, Kayla. And yes, it is quite depressing.

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  5. A sort of Distant Hope sort of depressing.

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